A week from today I’m scheduled to run my very first half marathon. I’ve been running for 20 years off and on. There have been times when I thought I was done, that I wouldn’t run anymore because of this ache or that pain. But running always draws me back in. Maybe it’s the runner’s high. Maybe it’s the time spent outdoors to get lost in my own thoughts. Maybe it’s the physical challenge. I’m not sure, but there’s a pull. At the beginning of this past summer I decided to lace up my running shoes once again. I started slow, just doing three miles at a time but by mid September I completed a 10 mile run. This got me thinking maybe this is my time to finally check a half marathon off my bucket list. With some encouragement and some not so gentle nudging of people close to me, I registered for the Boulderthon Half Marathon.
One Foot in Front of the Other
You know when you set out to do something hard, it’s really exciting at first? You have this goal and all this motivation to conquer it. Even if you’re nervous or a little intimidated, the nerves are usually accompanied by a sense of excitement and optimism. That’s how I felt this Thursday morning. I was scheduled to do 11 miles, and I was excited to tackle this run. My first mile is never my best mile, and I know that about myself. My legs usually take a minute to wake up, but by mile 2 I’m feeling pretty good, and I remember thinking, “This is fun.” I don’t always think running is fun. I love the runner’s high after a run. I’m grateful that my body lets me run, but fun?? That’s not the word I would typically use to describe how I feel about running. On this day, however, I was having fun. Maybe it was the adrenalin? Maybe it was the beautiful weather? Maybe it was because it was my last long run before my half marathon? I’m not sure, but It got me thinking that whenever we have a task or challenge in front of us, it’s almost always exciting – in the beginning. And this excitement is necessary because it’s what gets you to commit to the hard thing in the first place. Well today, the fun part lasted for a while. Probably up until about mile 6. When I got to 6.5 miles, I remember thinking “This is what half way on race day looks like…” and that felt a little daunting. But with running and with life, sometimes the best thing to do is to just put one foot in front of the other and keep going. So that’s what I did. I kept going.
Don’t Forget to Look Up
I was running along and my legs were starting to get tired. I had some stiffness, and I could feel my knees getting a little cranky. At this point I was mostly looking down and a little bit ahead, putting one foot in front of the other. Thankfully, at that moment, I looked up! I saw the foothills and the specks of yellow on the leaves. I saw the Platte River flowing to my left. It was so peaceful and beautiful, and I thought, “Wow, this is really stunning!” It made me think about life, and how when it’s hard and we’re forging ahead because there’s no other course of action, there are these moments when we’re in the trenches and we look up and see beauty. It reminded me of parenting, especially when my kids were little. When the days were sometimes long and hard, and then all of a sudden I would look up and see one of their faces and just melt in gratitude. I knew, of course, that it was all worth it. The struggles, the time in the trenches, it was all worth it for just one of their precious smiles or the sound of their laughter, or one snuggle. It made me think, “In the middle of the hard, don’t forget to look up.”
A Mental Note
I was at about mile 7.5 and Mike called me. He was just checking on me. Seeing where I was, how I was feeling. It felt good. It felt good to have someone know where I was, know the challenge I was undertaking and to check on me to see if I was ok. It made me wonder, “Do I do that enough for people?” Do I check in on the people in my life just to see how they’re doing, just to say I’m thinking of you and wondering how you are. I made a mental note to be better about that.
Staying in the Flow
When I get to mile 8, I’m pumped. Just three more miles. I know this part of the route like the back of my hand and my pace quickens a bit. I recognized that sometimes in life we move faster or more intensely than other times. I’ve thought a lot about “hustle culture” lately. There are messages everywhere to hustle hard towards your goals. That this hustle will bring fulfillment. I’m not an unambitious person. I have goals. I work hard. But to hustle day in and day out and not come up for air, that’s not how I want to live my life, at least not right now. I prefer to live more in the flow. Sometimes the flow is moving fast and sometimes the flow is moving slow and sometimes it’s somewhere in the middle. And it’s all ok. Sometimes the miles are quicker, sometimes they’re slower, and I’m ok with that. So wherever you are in your flow, I hope you know it’s ok.
Finding Joy
I’m running my last mile, getting closer and closer to my front door, and to be honest, I’m pretty exhausted. My legs were tired. But that feeling of seeing 11 miles on my Apple Watch, it felt really good. I texted my husband and told him I made it. All day today, though, I kept thinking about the journey, about the miles, the scenery, how my body and my mind felt. It reminded me that the journey, the doing, the process, that’s where so much of the joy is found. That’s where so much of the fulfillment is found, that’s where so much of the peace and the beauty is found. So even though yes, it feels amazing to finish the run, the fun part, the rewarding part is in the running. Just like in life. It’s in the journey where we find joy.
What I’m Holding Onto
As I prepare for next Sunday’s half marathon, both mentally and physically, I am going to remember to just put one foot in front of the other, to look up and acknowledge the beauty, to be ok with my pace, and most importantly to enjoy the journey of the day. And then when Monday morning dawns, to hold on to these lessons learned from running.
