Several months back we had one of those really special weekends. My son, Nathan, won his first playoff football game. Not to be overly dramatic, but as a senior in high school, his football career was on the line. None of us were ready for it to be over, so winning that game had all the feels. The next day my daughter, Ella, competed in a dance competition and her team took first place in the hip hop category. Again, all the feels (I wrote about this in a previous blog post. You can read it here. https://likeasister.com/a-lesson-from-my-daughter/ )With all the excitement and celebrating, we were driving through Sonic at 11:00 at night because of course we had to celebrate with milk shakes. The next morning we were up bright and early for an all day fundraiser for the non profit my husband works with. It was a fun and inspirational day on the heels of two other fun and inspirational days. We were all riding high on feel good emotions!
Inevitably, though, exhaustion hit us like a ton of bricks. Monday morning was brutal. The nasty viruses going around hit my kids on Sunday night, so not only was I dealing with sleep deprived children but sick ones, too. They were barely speaking to me (you know when you ask your kids questions and they purposely don’t answer you?) and they certainly didn’t want me talking to them. My youngest, who has the sweetest temperament of us all, slammed the car door when he got out that morning and walked into school with his head down. My feelings were hurt by my oldest, and I felt like a terrible parent to my youngest. Happy Monday to me.
So what did I do? I talked to my sisters of course because that’s what I always do. Here’s the advice my sister, Becky, gave me.
“Remember exhaustion plays such a huge roll in how kids function, and they always lash out at the people closest to them when they are tired or hurting because they know our love is unconditional. He loves you and appreciates you. You know that.” How was wise is my sister?! I listened. I let it sink in. My shoulders relaxed, and I took a deep breath because I knew she was absolutely right.
I often think about a post Jen Hatmaker shared once about not getting on the emotional roller coaster with your kids. Her words of advice were to “stay on the platform because they’ll eventually get off and you will be waiting for them.” Words of wisdom! We do not need to ride the roller coaster when our kids are over tired, sick, or what ever else has them deregulated. To use a fishing terminology, we don’t need to take the bait. Instead, we let them know we’re strong enough to handle their emotions and wait. We help them get rested, fed, and regulated. Then we talk. We have the conversation about how important good sleep is and taking our vitamins and eating healthy foods and drinking water, and all the things we can do to possibly do to be healthy and rested. However, I’m not so naive to think this won’t happen again. I have teenagers. I will be dealing with emotions, sleep deprivation, sickness and all kinds of other good stuff for a while. I understand that sometimes the crash happens, and that we will survive. And we did. That Monday night we were all on speaking terms again. My son, Nathan, was sharing about his team’s game plan for that weekend’s quarter finals game and was watching film with his dad. The kids were all still sick with the crud but no one was taking it out on each other. The roller coaster ride had ended.
So hang in there, sister! We are not perfect. Our kids are not perfect. Understand we’re all just doing the best we can. And our best isn’t always the same from day to day. We are human and so are our children. All our kids really need is to know is that we love them, we’re strong enough to handle their emotions, and we’ll always be on the platform waiting for them to get off the rollercoaster.
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