Ever since Thanksgiving I have been sick, and I mean sick like in bed, out of commission SICK. I am that person that avoids going to the doctor for fear of being exposed to something even worse and I’m not a fan of going on medicine unless I absolutely have to. For the first week or so, I slept a lot, took some natural meds, drank tea and hoped I would just get better like I usually do. But no luck. Plus I had a horrendous cough which was keeping me up all night. So after three sleepless nights, I caved and called the doctor. This was a Friday morning and my primary care doctor isn’t in on Fridays, so I scheduled an appointment with another doctor in the group. I was half dazed while on the phone with the receptionist because I was so sleep deprived and feeling miserable, but I hung up thinking my appointment was at 11:40 in the morning.
Unseen
I got to the office, checked in, and the woman at the desk informed me that my appointment was actually at 11:20 and she would have to check with the doctor to see if he would still see me. I apologized profusely for being late. I was barely standing upright, I looked completely exhausted, sick as can be, and had already grabbed a mask because I didn’t want to cough on anyone else in the waiting room. There’s no way this woman could miss the fact that I really needed to see a doctor. After a minute, she came back and told me very matter of factly that the doctor wouldn’t see me, and she’d have to reschedule my appointment. After checking the computer, I was then informed that there were no other appointments available that day. Keep in mind this is a Friday, and they are closed on the weekend. I put my head in my hands and actually started to cry. She paid no more attention to me, went back to her business, and I walked out the door. I got into my car and burst into tears. All I could think of was did she not see me? Did she not see how sick I am, how much I needed to have this appointment. I felt personally rejected.
Do I See People?
This whole experience really got me thinking, “Do I see people?” When someone is hurting, do I see them? When someone is sad, do I see them? When someone is lonely, do I see them? There’s no doubt it can be uncomfortable seeing someone else in pain or uncomfortable seeing someone lonely. Sometimes we might think we don’t have the time to engage or the skills to engage with that person, so we just might just look away and avoid them all together. After my experience, I came to the realization that what people really want is just to be seen. It wasn’t the receptionist’s fault that the doctor wouldn’t see me, but instead of showing any empathy or concern, she just dismissed me like I didn’t exist. I realized through this experience that I never want to do that to another person. I never want to make someone feel like I felt that day.
What Can I Do?
I’ve been thinking a lot about what that looks like day to day in my own life. I know I can’t be all things to all people, but I can do my best to make sure the people I encounter in my day to day life feel important, feel seen, feel cared for, feel like they matter. I can make sure that my friends and family know that I care about them, that they are seen by me, and important to me.
I’ve been trying to be intentional about this ever since my visit to the doctor’s office. First, let me say that I’m such a work in progress and as an introvert, it can be my natural inclination to keep to myself, but I’m trying. I’m trying by opening the door for people, by looking them in the eye and saying hello; by checking in with a friend who I know has been going through a hard time; by intentionally listening to my kids when they are telling me stories and staying up a little later than I’d like to talk with them around the kitchen table; by simply sharing a smile with someone. The holiday season is in full gear, and it’s festive and fun and can be full of life for many people, but for many other people, it can make their sadness or loneliness even more profound. I want to be a person who can lighten that load for someone, who can make them feel like they are cared about. How about you? Will you join me in this endeavor?
Back At The Doctor
As much as I didn’t want to I rescheduled my doctor’s appointment for the following Monday when I could see my primary care doctor. I was nervous walking in because I dreaded seeing the receptionist. Why was I feeling this way? She was the one who had been dismissive towards me when I was horribly sick, and yet I was nervous. I decided it was because it felt so rotten, and I had this fear of being rejected again. However I faced my fear, walked in with my head up, checked in for my appointment and waited to be called in to see my doctor. Both the nurse and my doctor who took care of me that day were wonderful. I was seen, and it felt good.
We started Like A Sister because we wanted to create a space for women to connect, and after my experience I feel even more convicted that we are on the right track. Whether we know it or not, we all have a desire to be seen and to be known, and my hope is that as we can all find that connection here. Feel free to subscribe to this blog. We are excited about some things to come in the new year and can’t wait to share it with you!
