Family dinner and kids. You can’t do it with out them, it isn’t always easy with them. Nothing can put a damper on a mom’s expectations of good family time like a table full of teenagers at meal time.
If I’m being honest, I’m constantly setting myself up for disappointment in this area. I have these visions of my beautifully nutritious home cooked meal being devoured by appreciative kids while they take turns sharing stories about their great day at school, the wonderful things they learned, and the student that needed extra help that they assisted.
Are you done laughing? Okay, I’ll go on.
The reality is often so much different than that, but damn if I’m not going to keep trying. There are so many things working against this perfect flow of meal time.
I’m rushing to get dinner finished.
At least one kid is at Level 2 Hangry.
Someone else has to eat super fast because hockey practices run our life.
I’m cooking for 8, so there’s at least one person not crazy about what’s on the menu.
Everyone wants to be heard, but no one really wants to listen.
Boys. So. Many. Boys.
They bring the half finished ping-pong game from the basement up with them and continue the smack talk.
There’s also things unique to every family that can contribute to the chaos of dinner time. I remember the days of toddlers throwing half of their meal on the floor or the stand off between me, a kid, and the three green beans I wanted them to eat. Or being a working parent that’s exhausted and spent from “peopleing” all day and the thought of meal time just sounds draining. Or food allergies, moody teens, single parenting, etc. We can understand how meal times can turn less than pleasant.
For us sometimes it’s just the sheer number. Most people think of serving eight as a dinner party. For us, it’s just regular family supper. We also only have the kids half the time, so when they get home, they’re super rambunctious and excited to be together (when Josh and I have been used to a completely quiet house).
Whatever the circumstances in your home, family dinner is worth it. It’s often the only time the whole family is in the same room. It’s a great time to connect, listen, and support each other. It’s also a time for people to try new things, practice appropriate behavior, take their turn, and just enjoy being a family.
There are ways I’ve learned to make these meal times fun and smooth! First of all, meal planning helps so much. Jessica talked all about it in this post a couple weeks ago. If I have a plan, have the right ingredients, and am prepared, my whole mental state going into family dinner is so much better.
The five minute warning. A few minutes before dinner is ready, give the kids a warning. “Supper is almost ready, finish what you’re doing, think about the manners I’d like you to come to the table with, be ready to enjoy this meal together.” So much better than them running to the table with no warning, still arguing over whether the last dart should have been a scratch or if the floor hockey shot was indeed a goal, with all that adrenaline running high.
Ask for helpers to set the table and prep food. This has a couple benefits. First, it’s nice to have other people contribute and help out. Sometimes I’m tempted not to ask for help because I like my quiet kitchen, but having one or two kids in there with me is actually really nice. It also gives them a few minutes of one on one time with me so there’s a little less vying for attention once the whole family gathers.
Once meal time begins, encourage everyone to dish up and pass to the next person before they dig in. Obviously this doesn’t work with littles that you fill plates for, but as kids get older, it’s a great skill to learn. When people are hungry, it’s so tempting to dig in to the first thing on your plate while the person next to you is still waiting for their share, but a “take and pass” rule before anyone starts eating works great.
Once everyone has what they need, it’s time for the conversation. On a bad night, this means everyone talking over each other, trying to have the best story, cutting each other off, and making jokes to get attention. But on a good night, we like to go around the table and share about our day. Sometimes it’s what the best part was, sometimes it’s what was for lunch, other times it’s one thing they learned that day. Whatever the case, it’s important that everyone gets a turn and is listened to. These moments of connection warm my heart and are so important for our family.
I remember so vividly our dinner table growing up. My brother was always making jokes, my dad would try so hard not to laugh, my mom would get so frustrated, and us girls would go between laughing and trying to hold it together to please my mom. As chaotic as it was sometimes, the fact that I remember it so clearly just shows how important those family meals are.
So even though I probably won’t get a “perfect” meal anytime soon, I’m going to keep putting it on the table every night, keep reminding people of my expectations, keep showing them that our time together is the most precious part of my day. And to please pass the ketchup nicely instead of launching it across the table at your brother.
