Have you ever had this feeling in your gut that something needed to change or was wrong? We call it our intuition. But often times it is hard to listen to it because it is usually telling us something we don’t want to hear.
Last winter I was home with my 2 younger boys, Louis who was 5 at the time and Wesley who as 9 months. I realized after being home for 13 years (my older boys are 13 and 11), I was tired and burnt out as a stay at home mom. When I think back on it, I realize it’s amazing I made it as long as I did. Being home is hard. And I loved it for so long. I really really loved it. Years went by and it was all I ever wanted so when it wasn’t fulfilling me any more I felt awful. It felt like something was wrong with me. Wasn’t it going to be my entire life’s desire to be home with my kids and be there for them whenever they needed it? To run the business that I owned from my house with my babies playing underfoot.
But, I realized last winter on the floor of my basement, trying to enjoy playing with my boys that it wasn’t what I wanted any more. It wasn’t what I needed anymore. I was changing and becoming someone who was ready for something else. Something more. Something new. I didn’t know where or what yet, but I was starting to search.
How to find the open doors.
I ended up on websites searching for employment. In my previous life I was an educator so that’s where my gut took me. I saw an opening for a FACS teacher. I looked past it. Until I stopped looking past it. And I saw it for what it was. A FACS teacher teaches Family & Consumer Science classes (Home Ec for the oldies here). This would be an opportunity to connect with middle and high school students, to teach them about what I organically became an expert in during my last 13 years staying home with my children. Nutrition, cooking, child development, goal setting, adulting.
I took action, enrolled in the classes, did the work, took the tests, got the grades, and worked to renew my teaching license. Next, I made connections, spoke with administrators, and found a spot for myself that just might be a perfect fit for next year. And I’m giddy about it. Truly giddy with excitement over what might be next year for me.
Listen to your still, small voice. It’s telling you something.
I’m telling you this because we all have a still, small voice inside of us that is whispering something. If your intuition is trying to tell you something and you keep pushing it away, you’ve got to STOP AND LISTEN. It’s time to tune into what is pulling at your heart. I had to stop and listen to what my heart was telling me last winter when I realized the season of me being a content, stay at home mom was ending. I had to open up to the idea that things would need to change for me to grow into the next best version of myself.
A friend, who I was lucky enough to have in my corner (isn’t community everything?), once told me that in order to decipher God’s plan for her life, she gently pushes on a door. If it opens, she knows she needs to walk through. If it doesn’t budge, she knows it’s not the door for her and she has to find another door.
When I was in a season of confusion and discontent, I had to nudge a few doors open. I knew the direction I was meant to go when the doors opened wide for me. But, here is the tricky part and probably the hardest part of all. When that door does open, you need to be brave enough to walk through it. It’s through that door that you will find the next door waiting for you to crack it open. Just imagine what might be on the other side.
