I always wanted a big family. I grew up with siblings who were (and still are) my best friends. Big family gatherings were the highlight of our childhood. We lived for playing with our cousins, we loved our time with aunts and uncles, and we were close to our grandparents. I wouldn’t have changed a thing.
Now there’s nine. I’m a newlywed and our big beautiful blended family is nine strong. That’s a big family on steroids. When I had five kids of my own, I obviously thought that was it. I can promise you my husband Josh was thrilled with his two. But love is love and here we are!
We’re those people that have to rent a conversion van on vacation. That often have to split into two tables at restaurants. That have two sets of laundry equipment at our house (and it’s always running). That take up a whole pew at church. That fills every nook and cranny of a really big house. And don’t even get me started on the groceries.
Love multiplies. There’s no doubt. But time doesn’t. Parents don’t. There’s a lot of them and two of us. Josh’s kids used to get tons of one on one time. My kids were used to a single mom who lived for fulfilling their every want and need. Now we’re in this new space where kids have to share their parent, where they have to hear no more often, where parents are madly in love and put each other first.
In a traditional family, you all grow and learn to be a family unit together. You adapt to parenthood, and your roles evolve as your family grows and changes. But a blended family is different. Everyone comes into it with their own way of doing things, roles, and expectations. And so there needs to be a lot of talking, navigating new normals, figuring out what works and what needs to be adapted. It’s challenging but the good part is that we spend a lot of time talking about how we want our household to run, what qualities we’re trying to instill, how we want our home to feel.
We also see things with a fresh set of eyes. I can offer Josh insight into things that he hasn’t considered. He can point out things that I’ve been doing as a parent that might not have the result that I’m hoping they do. It’s not always easy to take constructive criticism or to keep from getting defensive. But when we are open-minded, we learn so much from each other.
It takes a lot of organization and systems to keep this ship running smoothly. We’re almost forced into it out of necessity. But I am realizing that that’s such a good thing! You better believe there’s a sign in the garage detailing rules of the rink. Kids have to clean their own bathrooms, we draw straws to see who helps with dishes. Everything has its place. Can you imagine what four hockey bags would do to the garage if there wasn’t a designated spot for them?
Obviously it has and continues to take time to adjust to the changes in a newly blended family. Our kids are doing so great. We are so lucky that they’ve adjusted so well. But it’s ongoing and it’s really deliberate. It takes diligent effort to make sure we connect with each of them every day. The age range is big, the needs are vast, and everyone is different. We give and ask for lots of grace around here. We talk and talk and then talk some more. We’re definitely a work in progress.
We are hoping to instill a sense of home and calm and stability that anchors them. Whether your family is traditional, blended, single parent, grandparent, foster, etc., aren’t we all working for that? A place where expectations are clear, love is boundless, forgiveness is asked for, time is treasured, and respect is given.
And socks are matched. Is that too much to ask for?
