I knew it was going to be hard. In fact I warned myself so I could be mentally prepared. We had spent 7 weeks in the house together. Cooking meals, doing dishes, binge watching Netflix, sitting in the hot tub. It was more family time than we’d had in years, since the kids were little really, and maybe even more than back then, too. We had no where to go, no where to be, and it felt peaceful. (Let me add that I know for many people this is not your story, and I am so grateful for all who are selflessly serving. I recognize there has been great loss. I am sharing my experience and perspective because maybe some of you can relate and are struggling, too.)
Back to where I started. Even though I knew that when the quarantine lifted, I would feel a sense of loss, it still hit me out of nowhere. I was feeling completely out of sorts yesterday. Mike went back to work, and I thought it was just me solo parenting while working from home. I thought it was the kids’ dishes by the sink. I thought it was because I was having sugar withdrawals (that’s another story.) However, last night it hit me. I am feeling the loss of our family time, our nightly routine, the peace and calm that has been my world over the last 7 weeks.
My older kids are happy. They are spending time with friends. Doing what they are supposed to be doing at this stage in their life. I mean let’s face it, it’s ok if your senior in high school doesn’t want to spend every night at home with his parents. They are supposed to be spreading their wings, getting ready to fly away from the coop. But what about me? What if I’m not ready? Not ready to break quarantine, not ready to go back to “normal.” What now?
What I’m realizing is that I need to decide what parts of the old normal I want to go back to and what parts I want to let go of. There have been lessons in this season that I don’t want to miss. If I can learn these lessons and take them into life after quarantine, if I can appreciate the blessings of the past 7 weeks, I think I’m going to be ok and maybe even better than ok.
Some Things I’ve Learned
I’ve learned I don’t want to be “busy.” Pre quarantine I was in the habit of packing my schedule, running from one thing to the next, and would often show up a few minutes late. If we had a free weekend we’d plan something. In a sense you could say we were addicted to our busyness and wore it like a badge of honor. People would say, “You and Mike are so busy. I don’t know how you do it.” I looked at these remarks like they were a compliment.
I don’t want to go back to that pace. I plan to be intentional about filling my calendar. In order to do that I have to nail down what my priorities are. My mentor, Romi Neustadt, believes you can only have three priorities at a time. I need to be clear about what mine are and make sure that when I build my calendar, what I add to it serves one of my priorities. If it doesn’t, I have to be ok with saying no even if it means disappointing someone.
I learned that my kids must take an active role in maintaining our home. I’m embarrassed to say that pre quarantine my kids rarely cleaned their own rooms, didn’t know how to thoroughly clean a bathroom from top to bottom, and more often than not did not help with dishes. And it’s not because they’re lazy. It’s because my husband and I weren’t holding them to those standards. It was easier for me to clean up after dinner. They had homework after all and had been at school and practice all day and into the evening (excuses I made for them). We have a wonderful woman that helps us clean our house, so they weren’t used to doing the deep cleaning. While she hasn’t been able to be in our home, the kids have stepped up. We all now do our part to take care of our home. This is part of the “new normal” we’ll be keeping.
I learned I CAN meal plan. I was the girl who went to the grocery store every day because I would plan dinner the day of. The last 7 weeks we’ve limited our trips to once a week max, and it’s forced us to plan our meals ahead of time. And if I’m planning meals, that means I’m cooking at home. Spontaneous dinners out are fun, but they’re also expensive and we were doing them regularly because of the lack of meal planning. Not only is eating out expensive, but the meals can often can be unhealthy. My daughter actually said her fast food cravings are gone!! We’ve realized how meaningful our family dinner time can be. Although I know we won’t all be at the table together every night (last night it was just Mike, me and our youngest, Johnny), sitting down and eating together is now our new normal, and we like it.
Of course there are things that I’ve missed! Walking with friends, coffee dates, concerts, being able to go to the mountains, hugs. For these, I can’t wait to get back to life before Covid. But anytime you go through something like what we’ve been through, we would be remiss to not learn from these experiences. So let’s take the lessons we’ve learned and create a brand new normal for our lives.
How have you managed quarantIne? How are you navigating going back to a somewhat “normal life?” I would love to know what you are learning during this time. Please share with us in the comments.
