We’ve all seen the photos taken in the 70’s and 80’s. We or someone we know is sitting in the living room with a parent (or other adult) who happens to be smoking a cigarette. Something seemingly so innocent that snapping a picture and preserving the moment seems like a sweet idea at the time. The adults in the photo most likely had no idea how dangerous smoking and second hand smoke was for us. There was no shame in snapping a photo because they were doing nothing wrong. If they knew the dangers, they surely would have kicked the habit or at least not smoked the cigarette with a toddler by their side.
Now compare that image to one you’d likely see today. One that could easily be taken at my house on any given day. Another habit we expose our children to that appears much more innocent than blowing harmful smoke into the air, but potentially as dangerous. It’s a parent sitting in the room with their children and instead of engaging with the child, they are mindlessly scrolling on their phone, modeling to the child how addicted they are to this precious device we almost always have connected to our hand. The image of the parent smoking seems obviously more dangerous to the child, but is it?
I’ve been asking myself these questions lately. Would I fix my kids’ lunch and watch them eat while smoking a cigarette in the kitchen? Obviously not, but would I do that same task while mindlessly scrolling social media in front of them? Quite possibly. Would I light up a cigarette in my car with my babies in the back seat? Definitely not, but would I pull out my phone at a stop light to read an email. I’ve done it before. Too many times to count, actually.
We know the research says that when adults are addicted to their phones, children feel unimportant, they are more likely to engage in negative or inappropriate behavior, they have less emotional resiliency, and do not know how to interact with others. Research is also starting to come out about how parental phone usage is negatively influencing how their child’s brain develops (This doesn’t even count how children’s own screen time use is affecting their brain). We don’t know everything yet, but we know it’s bad so why do we continue this destructive habit? What if we looked at this scrolling behavior with the same disdain as smoking? Would I think twice before I picked up my phone sitting on the floor playing with my toddler or maybe even while I’m sitting at a stoplight in my car?
Children model everything that we do. If they see us battling a phone addiction from an early age, it’s highly likely they will follow suit. I want to tell my preteen and teenage son, “Do what I say, not what I do!” But, I know that modeling appropriate phone usage is way more valuable than any words that come out of my mouth. I certainly wouldn’t smoke a cigarette in front of them and tell them how bad it is for them at the same time.
Where do we go from here and how can we make a change? Here are some suggestions on how I’ve tried to take control of this habit and curb my phone addiction. I let my phone actually work for me by using the Screen Time controls. I only allow certain apps at certain times of the day. For example, I know lunch time is a weak spot for me and I don’t exhibit enough self control, so I don’t allow myself to open social media apps during the lunch hour when I’m making lunch for my toddler. I also set Screen Time limits for certain apps so I know when I hit my time limit for that day. I also started setting Screen Time limits for Sundays so I have one full day a week without my device which creates a lot of time for quality interaction with my kids. Another trick is to put your phone in your bedroom for your first couple hours when you are home with your kids and/or spouse. Out of sight, out of mind. And when I’m all out of tricks and the self control is gone, I’ve started doing a brain swap for that phone with an image of a cigarette and the temptation goes away!
At Like a Sister we want to empower each other and encourage one another to be better moms, friends, wives, sisters, and humans. My intention here is to ask you to walk this road with me if this is something you struggle with as well. Is it a bold statement to compare scrolling to smoking? Probably, but it’s resonating with me. This work is hard and we were not meant to do it alone. I hope this perspective shift will finally be enough to get me to put down my phone so I pay more attention to the humans standing right in front of me. I can do better. Hopefully you’ve already figured this out. Maybe I’m the last one still battling this addiction. But if not, I hope I can help you.
